Friday, February 29, 2008

Part Two

Okay, so my parents divorced, we moved out of the haunted house, much to my sisters and mom's relief. Quite frankly I loved that house, I was oblivious to the demonic activity going on.

We moved into a beautiful mobile home, they were popular at the time, this was the 70's btw. And things continued as such. My mom worked hard raising three girls cleaning homes, and it was by the Grace of God and my mother's faith that we were never without food or clothes.

So, fast-forward a few years, my mom remarried, to a military man and we were immediately given orders to relocate to Germany! I was 11-years-old. By this time my eldest sister married. So, me and my middle sister were excited and told all of our friends. On our last day of school, my sister was given a party and had so many people wishing her luck, she was going to be missed etc. Me? No one said goodbye to me or wished me luck etc. I walked home alone in utter dismay and sadness, not one person cared if I was gone. Gosh! That memory still hurts me.

Well, we are in Germany and this is where the real teasing and hateful torment really began, which was the end of the happy little girl. On our first day on the bus to school, which took us an hour to get to the high school, we lived on a very small base, I was immediately made fun because of my thick, frizzy out-of-control hair. So, that brought me low, I didn't realize my hair was so ugly until then. I didn't know I was so ugly to look at.

As time went on, my sister who was, again, very popular, had all of the boys after her. I must admit both of my sisters were knock-outs, no joke. I was called "Frankenstein" by some of the boys on the bus. It was pretty bad. I still cringe at all the ridicule and how cruel those kids were. My sister was totally unaware, and at that time, I had no idea how protective she was of me until a lot later.

I began to loathe her with such a great passion, I hated her with every fiber within me. I wanted the attention she had. She was well-respected and no one dissed her. She commanded respect without asking for it. It is amazing how some people have that and some people don't. I am one of those that people feel they can treat like garbage.

I began to fix my hair as best as I could and began to wear make-up to get attention. I was pretty well-developed for an 11-year-old and showed off what I had. NOT the way to get respect or attention, let me tell you. It did the opposite. I was grabbed at all the time and screaming to the boys to "STOP IT!" I was being touched in very inappropiate places, ewwww....that still makes me shutter. What did I expect? That's what happens when you get so desperate for attention. I really thought those boys liked me. I know better now. Harsh reality check.

Well, that's all for today.

I am having feelings of trepidation sharing this personal stuff, I will try and continue on. Someone asked me why I was "doing this?" and they just didn't understand why I blog at all. Blogging has been a great release for me and I have been blessed with many beautiful friendships who are godly people plus it took away my loneliness.

I am sharing my testimony because I want people to know how I became a Christian and how God had His hand on me through every vicious cycle and trial of my life. And hopefully, if someone is suffering the same things I went through maybe just maybe it will give them hope that they are most certainly not alone and God truly is with them and loves them. Even in the fiery trials, God is in the midst of it all.

God bless you all and have a great weekend!! I will see you Monday!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


After my last post, it got me thinking that a lot of you do not know my history or what things I have endured before and after my marriage. We all have had our hardships, I know. No one has the "perfect" life, no one, maybe close to it, but not perfection. I think perfection comes when we are united with our Savior and Heavenly Father.

There is so much to share and tell, and I am not even sure where to begin or how to begin. Things seem to get fuzzy in my head and I feel like I just can't pinpoint where my pain and self-hate began and/or combined with low-self-esteem.

My parents divorced when I was very young. I do have happy memories growing up in a very haunted evil home (another story altogether). At my age I had no idea all the things that was going on. My mom protected me and my sisters from so much that all I knew was that I was happy, carefree, did not care what or how I looked, I just wanted to have fun all the time and my beautiful mother encouraged that. Her philosphy was "you are only a child once." So, we needed to enjoy our childhood, because adulthood was forever. Cool.

When I started school and onto the 3rd grade, I was told by a girl, that I was the "popular kid" and everyone wanted to hang out with me (unbeknownst to me.) I really was happy little girl, nothing bothered me and if it did, I shrugged it off and went on with life.

In the 4th grade, or late in 3rd grade, kids began to tease me and call me names because I was very short and super skinny, I was called "skinny-bones, toothpick" etc. Gradually that care-free little girl became insecure and scared at school. I became shy and withdrawn and was terrified when a teacher called on me. etc. I lost a lot of my friends and became an outcast. It hurt terribly. I was the kid no one wanted on their teams, I was the one that no one invited to parties, I was the one who always sat alone at lunch or asked someone if I could sit with them so I wouldn't be alone. I did have at least two friends, but sometimes they teased me too.

What hurt me and made me so jealous was how popular my two older sisters were, everyone wanted them around and they had a lot of friends, and if I actually brought a friend home with me, they dropped me and wanted to hang out with my sisters.

Anyhoo, when I got home from school. I became that happy care-free, little girl again and didn't have a care in the world. I had my imagination to keep me busy. I truly was happy.

My parents divorced, and I was upset that I was losing my daddy. But, I was so young that it didn't impact me, until years later. My mom loved me so well, it didn't take long to basically forget him, he definitely forgot us. He was an alcoholic, all you need to know.

That's all for today, I don't want to bore you. Are you interested in hearing more? I am just getting started....*smile*

Monday, February 25, 2008

My weekend ramblings...

So, Friday I went to Target and bought fake nails, I just wanted to try it out. Well, it is very easy to do, but adjusting to long lengths was a different story, forget about typing fast, can't do it. I can naturally grow long nails, but it takes too long and it is a pain painting them etc. Anyhoo, Saturday morning, my husband and I went out to eat and as we got into the car, I noticed that my pinky nail was missing!! I hope I didn't drop it in one of the serving areas at the buffet table!! Whoops!!

Moving on...

As you all know I have had some serious marital problems and it is getting harder and harder to stay with this man. We don't get along, constantly bickering and fighting. A couple of months ago I had finally decided to leave him and make a new start. But I ran into so many obstacles! My car is still broken and we share the SUV. I don't have any money to start out with, I cannot get any kind of government assistance (I was looking for temporary help) everything is against me. And then he began to be nice to me. Hmmm.....strange. I thought maybe it was a God thing? I mean, it has been 14 years of marriage, 15 in July.

Well, fast-forward to last week. After 12 years of begging and crying to this man to clean up the yard, tear down the pool, etc. He actually tore down the pool two weeks ago and apparently wanted some words of praise for his effort, btw, he left a bigger mess. I told him the truth, I said, "hubby (won't use real name) what do you want from me? I have waited all of these years for you to do that!" "Umm....what do you want me to say?"

He said, he wanted to make me happy and I said, "it's too late for that." He then asked me, " What will make you happy?" I told him, "nothing, it's too late." I looked at him and told him I wasn't in love with him anymore and was tired of a dead marriage. He got angry and told me he wanted a divorce.. blah...blah...blah!

And now he is being all nice again, ignoring me, but nice. I just don't get it? First, he threatens divorce, now what?

Counseling hasn't helped us at all. How do you fall back in love with someone who has been cruel, controlling and neglectful?

Example, last Friday night, my boys spent the night at a friends house and we had the whole evening to ourselves and I suggested going to the movies. He didn't want to because he wanted to sleep some more for work. I understood, he was tired and got up early that day. Well, he got on his compter and called a friend and stayed with both til he had to go to work, which is at 10:30 pm . Nice, huh?

I believe that is why I was taken out to breakfast the next day.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Dogs & Cats Slaughter in China Part3


Thursday, February 21, 2008

I don't know if this is still going on...


My boss was telling me about faux fur and how some of it may actually be from cats and dogs that were skinned alive in China and then mislabled to be brought into the United States. Coats with cuffs, gloves, stuffed animals, can very well be made from cats and dogs that were brutally tortured.

I would love to boycott the 2008 Olympics from being played in China. I am in utter disbelief of how cruel people can be. A part of me wishes that those people that are skinning and torturing those beautiful animals should have the same treatment done to them. Yes, I am aware that it is not very Christian of me. China discards baby girls, sells us tainted toys and all kinds of articles, has poisoned our animals and then I see this horrific video? Where is the outcry from our country or other free countries?! Why are we not boycotting China's products? Why is this being allowed?

There is no way to know if the stuffed animals in our homes, or "fake" or "synthetic" furs on our coats etc, come from the slaughtered dogs and cats from China. The dye and changes made to the fur make it impossible to tell just by touch. The only way to know is by having it tested. Which is why China has gotten away with it. Who has the money to have them chemically tested.

Here is the YouTube link to: Dogs and Cats slaughtered in China

Monday, February 18, 2008

So Bush endoreses McCain

I have to say that I am not at all happy upon hearing this rather disturbing news. I was hoping that Bush would support a fellow believer in Christ. Not someone as liberal as McCain, I wish somone would endorse Huckabee, he needs a lot of our support.

My mom is still doing great! I am so amazed at God's Grace over that accident. No one can tell me that there isn't a God because it was just proven through her.

It seems this flu epidemic is getting a bit on the scary side, I heard that two teenagers from Memphis, TN died from it. Not to mention the tornadoes that hit in the southern states. Is God trying to wake us up? Or trying to tell us something?

Well, I need to go and watch a movie before my boys get home. It is called "Bordertown" J-Lo and Antonio Banderas star in it. It is depicted in Juarez Mexico, which is at the border of El Paso, Tx, where I was born and lived for a very long time. The movie is about women who are being raped, tortured and murdered for sport in Juarez and no one is helping them, the police are covering it up.

So, I promise I will visit everyone's blogs tomorrow!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

So I moved....

Well, I decided to move my blog over here, I hope you all don't mind, but I like the way Blogspot is set up and it is so much easier to use.

Here is my Friday Question...

Why is chastity important to the Christian life?

I hope your weekend is going great!!